


A Threaded Web

by kunnskat



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Assisted Suicide, Cutting, Gen, Guilt, Loss, Murder-Suicide, Suicide, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 15:51:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6572299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kunnskat/pseuds/kunnskat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A loss can inspire many things, and one of those is the domino effect. [Deals with death, both accidental and not.] [Unbetaed three-shot. Disclaimer; I am not the creator of Naruto.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Thread

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is going to deal with some issues, so I'm going to warn you about the worst one right now; suicide. There will be mentions of suicide and death and cutting in this fic, along with some other disturbing topics. This is not for those easily triggered. Regarding the disclaimer; I do not own Naruto.

**The First Thread**

* * *

The fall of one is the fall of another, a thread connecting them and pulling everyone down, one by one. Commonly, this thread is not specified to have a color. Some like to speculate that it is white, for life. Some say it is red, for love. Others might like to call it black, for hatred. But the thread binds everyone together no matter the color, choosing to show that everyone is connected whether to each other or to others connected to those that fall first.

It began somewhere in the middle, a knife reaching towards one person.

* * *

His hands are shaking. Not so much that he falters, but enough that his fear shows through.

He is afraid. It's stupid. He feels like an idiot, worse than- no, he can't think about anyone else right now. He's killed before, he's seen blood. He doesn't have anything to be afraid of, anymore. He knows how this goes. He knows how to make this work. And he knows the best and quickest way to get it done. He's seen it happen right in front of him. He knows.

But still his hands shake as he reaches towards his own skin. The cut he makes is jagged, uncertain. But only the first cut.

The one that follows comes easier, harsher. Now he knows how it feels, how freeing it feels. Every cut he makes after that is better. A straight line. Deeper. Every cut he makes after that bleeds more, and quicker.

It's like he's in a daze where nothing else matters. He doesn't notice. Not the time, not the temperature, not the place. Not the way his feet stop holding him up and the wall refrains from helping him stay up.

It's only when he's too weak to continue giving himself that release, that he notices the mess he's made.

There's no one left to clean it up, and he should do that before he sleeps so it doesn't stain. He should do that-

* * *

It is unusual for Sasuke to be late, so when he is, everyone notices. Sakura, who arrives first, thinks he'll be there soon. She doesn't consider it late until Naruto arrives, and Sasuke has not yet showed up.

So she frowns, and instead of greeting Naruto back, she replies, "Have you seen Sasuke-kun?"

"Bastard isn't here yet?" She wants to yell at him and hit him for calling Sasuke that, so she does. It's not that she doesn't think Sasuke can defend himself or anything, it's that he shouldn't have to, and really, he shouldn't have to deal with the loudness of Naruto, so early, either.

When Kakashi arrives, he doesn't give an excuse, like he always does. His eyes sweep over them, counting them, "Maa, where's my third little genin?" And when no one seems to have an answer for him, continues. "We have a mission today, so since he hasn't showed, let's go pick him up, alright?"

Naruto laughs obnoxiously, "Bastard's later than sensei! He's never gonna hear the end of this!" But his grin falters, because it's unusual for Sasuke to be late, he's known that since the Academy. He's a little worried. Just a little bit. They're a team, after all. Team 7. The very best. Can't be the best if the Team isn't whole. They watch each others backs and pull each other up when they're having trouble getting up on their own. His definition of a Team is family.

They troop through the village, and through the tension, Naruto bothers their sensei about the mission, asking what it'll be, saying it'll be easy. Sakura yells at him, but she's just as relieved as Kakashi, because the silence and the tension and the worry bothers them more than Naruto could.

There are no signs that anything is wrong, when they arrive, there's no loud noises or any messes to show that something has happened. So maybe he slept in, they think. Kakashi aims to knock on the door and call for him to open up, but before he can, Naruto has grabbed the handle and is opening the door like it was never locked to begin with.

There's a tinge of hysteria when the usually cheerful boy crashes into the room and calls for Sasuke, and Kakashi makes note of it just in time for the smell of blood to reach them. Part of him muses that this must be the cause for hysteria, and then Sakura is rushing past him, the vary actions of her Team enough to frighten her. They're calling out for Sasuke, and it's the silence that comes from Naruto, just a bit ahead of him, that speaks volumes on it's own.

What he finds, when he enters the room, Sakura behind him, is a reminder of times long passed.

Another failure to add to his very long list, it seems. The dull eyes looking at nothing is a very good clue to how bad of a failure it is.

It's like the whole world has been turned on it's head. Naruto is silent. Still. Just as still as Sasuke. And Sakura is screaming. Crying. Clinging onto what is left of Sasuke. Begging him to wake up like he had on their C-rank-turned-A-rank.

But Kakashi has done this before. He knows how this goes. He sees the blood, the wounds, he recognizes what this looks like. It isn't entirely the same, but the amount of blood and the still body and the smell of death reminds him of that time. He follows that time, too. He turns around and he leaves. He finds someone more responsible than he has ever been capable of, Umino Iruka, and he tells him nothing more than to hurry to where Sasuke lives, that Naruto needs him.

And then he goes to change, because he won't be able to take a mission the way he looks, and he may be banned if he waits too long.

Kakashi has done this before.

* * *

He makes it somehow, there's a A-rank he can take that is just dangerous enough to get his focus. Just dangerous enough, with enough possible complications, that he won't have to go back for a while. He won't have to be there and watch them lower the body of his student into the ground. He has enough memories of coffins being buried as it is. He thinks that if he has to see that again, knowing exactly who he had failed this time, with all the connections to everyone else he'd ever cared about, he'll break into tiny little pieces, smolder into dust. So he doesn't.

He doesn't wait for Naruto or Sakura, he doesn't wait for the moment where he'll see a _deaddeaddead_ Sasuke wander along with them.

Kakashi closes his eyes for a few seconds, to try to get the image out of his head, but it takes only those few seconds to be reminded of them.

He is reminded of his father, who chose to end his life, the man he pushed to his death because he had been a foolish little child that didn't stop to think for a few seconds. He'd thought he knew what he was doing and he'd been wrong. He hadn't expected to find his father _deaddeaddead_ and with so much blood-

Rin would have been disappointed with him, had she still been around. He acknowledges it just as much as he acknowledges that it was he that killed her. Their sensei had been a Fuinjutsu Master, he'd been together with another one of those. His sensei's sensei had been just as good as them. There had been a way to fix her, to stop her from doing the bidding of Kiri that did not involve dying by his Jutsu, his hand through her chest. He'd killed her. That was his mistake. For thinking he could use that Jutsu to save her.

That's nothing against Minato, though. His sensei had managed to keep him alive, he'd given him a reason to live, and he hadn't done the same for his student. He'd failed his own sensei by being the horrible one that he was, for both the student gone and the son he should have watched from the beginning. Minato-sensei would have been very disappointed with him. At least half as disappointed as Obito would be angry. Because he kept failing Obito over and over.

He failed Obito when he let him die. He failed him when he killed Rin. He failed him when sensei too, died. And he failed him when he couldn't see what Itachi would do. Those were still nothing compared to his most recent failure. To have allowed a child to take his own life. He knows Obito would have seen it, Obito would have helped Sasuke. Obito would have done better.

He had failed, and this time it hadn't been an adult that had chosen this life, that had jumped in front of an attack meant for a teammate or even someone that had chosen to be a distraction for the sake of the Team.

This time he had failed another child, a young boy that had been so lost, so empty of life and happiness. A child that had been forced to grow up so quick, too quick.

The _painpainhorridpain_ in his chest whispers to him that this is what it feels like to lose. This is how it is to have something to truly cry about.

But Kakashi can't feel any tears. The only eye visible remains dry. His Sharingan cries for him, then. Obito cries and _screams_ for the last good Uchiha that had been left in this world. Obito cries for the loss of the child where Kakashi can only watch. It becomes a problem, because his headband can't contain all the tears, _just the pain_ , but Kakashi doesn't care about it enough to try to fix it. He just keeps moving. He keeps running from his failures like he always did.

Here he won't have to look at them. He can forget. He will forget. And it will stop hurting.


	2. The Second Thread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of The First Thread, gives a quick Kakashi moment and then follows on to Naruto. This chapter will deal more with guilt and cutting, just to warn everyone early on.

**The Second Thread**

* * *

Threads of life usually start with white. It is the actions of the people that color them, the emotions that run rampant within the masses that darken the white. For most people, they turn into a content yellow, a happy life. Because of love. For all, it ends eventually, before beginning a new elsewhere. But for some of those, the thread is chopped off uneven, shortening the thread from the length it was intended to be.

And when one thread loosens, others will follow, unable to hold the weight of the masses without all the threads intact.

* * *

He had been too careless with himself. Because he hadn't payed enough attention to the fight, because he'd allowed his failures to bleed through into his mission, he had faltered. He had foolishly allowed the enemy to get too close for him to handle.

And now he is paying for it with his life. Yes, he may survive. If he stubbornly clings to life out of a fervent wish to stay alive.

But the only thing he is fervently wishing for is for the mission to be completed before he goes down.

It is difficult to regulate his breathing, but he has some time before that causes him to falter again, so he calls for his summons, to take care of his enemy and to get a message to the closest outpost for backup. His summons are fast, he should know, they have been his for a long time, but not even the fastest of them would make it all the way. If he was lucky, the fastest would make it to one of the routes of the patrols. If he was lucky, backup would make it in time to help him, if not just to ensure the mission was completed.

Luck did not arrive swiftly.

* * *

Many of the villagers of Konoha has never bothered to look his way other than to frown, so as he wanders slowly toward Iruka-sensei's home, led by the man himself, he doesn't take notice of the looks he gets. He doesn't hear the murmurs that are unusually not those of him being a nuisance or the likes. Now the curiosity of humans come out and they question why he looks as he does and acts as he does.

They are used to a louder and brighter Naruto, a prankster and a constantly grinning child. Not the empty puppet listlessly following the order to _come with me_ by one of the few adults that had ever seemed to care about him. In all honesty, the last part might not have mattered. Naruto couldn't find it in himself to care about much, now. He'd failed, after all. He'd grown blind.

One would think that with someone with few precious people, he would be able to keep them all safe and at least partly happy. One would think he could do at least that, proclaiming that he would be Hokage and all.

The boy he had thought of as his brother was _deaddeaddead_ and it had been _hisfaulthisfaulthisfault_ because he'd not seen-

He had been blind to the truth, he'd trusted that vengeance would be enough to keep him on this earth. He had believed that that and the Team would be enough for Sasuke, that he was fine.

Because the Team had been enough for him. The few precious people he had, that had been just enough. And he'd been gaining more. Like he had thought Sasuke too, was gaining. Sasuke had met people, he had spoken with people without constant insults or arguing, he'd seemed calm and content with that.

Naruto had been wrong. So, so _wrongwrongwrong_ , and what else was he wrong about? If this slipped him by, what else was there?

Had he truly gotten everything so wrong?

He does not notice that he is in bed, sitting on it and staring dully at the wall, until night has long since fallen upon them, and he blinks once, at the arms around him that seem so strangely warm right then. He hears soft breathing. Not as that of one asleep, but that of someone calm and awake, and when he turns his head to look at who is holding him, his eyes meet those of a saddened and tired looking Iruka-sensei.

He tries to smile, because he should always be able to smile at one of his precious people, but it falls short, like he had fallen short, and failed one of them already. Iruka smiles back, though. It's short and still so very _sadsadsad_ , but it's a smile and it makes it easier to lean into him and close his eyes and follow the whisper of, "Sleep, Naruto," that is ordered of him.

He hopes he will not dream.

* * *

When Naruto awakens with a quickened heartbeat and wide eyes, it is to nightfall again and soft voices that barely reach him. Murmurs of his Team, of sensei, and Naruto, heartbeat slowing, but still too quick, is out of bed and walking towards the voices before he can properly register where he is or anything other than _wrongwrongwrong_.

When he enters the room with the voices, they pause and when he brings his eyes to squint tiredly at the figures in the room, he hears a sob and then something is clinging to him, sounds of crying reaches his ears and a flash of pink is all he needs to bring his arms around her in a hug. Rather, he clings, because she lost him too and he doesn't want to add her to the list of those gone, it's too soon, she has yet to grow up and go senile and blind.

He doesn't want to ask what it was that brought this fit on, if it was the mention of what they'd found or maybe if it was a planned burial - _nonono_ \- but he has to know because the last time he didn't know something, his teammate ended up dea- gone. So Naruto turns a questioning look upon the rest, but upon noting one particular thing, he leaves his former silent inquiry for one more important, "Where's Kakashi-sensei?"

A whimper leaves the lips of the girl in his arms and he tenses automatically in preparation, his expression pleading for good news, for hope.

It seems like it is not to be, because all he sees are grim faces, and at that moment he is nothing but a scared little boy, mouthing, _"Pleasepleaseplease no,"_ because he can not lose one more. He will not lose one more. He has failed once, he will never again fail his Team. His family.

"There was a problem with a mission, Hatake was surrounded and taken down. He successfully completed his mission with the use of summons. His remains have been recovered and a funeral will be held with Uchiha's," The tone of the old man speaking was clinically cold and a hint of disgusted that Naruto who has good ears only barely hears. He hates it so instantly that he remarks to himself to never trust this man.

And then it hits him.

He has failed another.

Sensei is _deadgonenevercomingback_.

How can he keep his Team going now, when half of them are gone and the other half is broken? How will he keep Sakura smiling when whenever they look at each other they will remember Sasuke and Kakashi and _losspainwhy_?

How will he protect and care for her when he couldn't do that for them? He has ruined two, why would he do that to the the only one left?

It is clear that her parents are of the same opinion, because they have arrived at Iruka's home and are coming his way, now. For her. To take Sakura away from him, for her own sake. So that she will be safe like they couldn't be. Because he failed his Team and he would fail her too. They would see her more clearly than he could, she was better off in their care.

Naruto was blind. Is blind.

He did not see her tears and devastation when they took her home, he did not see the worry in Iruka's eyes as he watches him, and he does not see the tense shoulders of the elderly and cruel and untrustworthy as Naruto breaks where he stands, their fear of what he is capable of doing, should he go mad.

As usual, he sees everything too late. Because he is the idiot, like he had been told he was, from the beginning.

That is the first word he carves into his skin when he has locked himself into the bathroom. It is not the last, it does not shed the least or the most amount of blood, and it heals too quickly for his taste. He wants it to stay, so he does it again. And again. And every time he goes deeper, in hopes that this will make it stay, this will stop the healing process.

He does not notice the large amount of blood pooling on the ground, nor does he realize how weak he should be feeling right now, due to that loss. For the healing does not give him back is blood, it just puts back together what is already there, that is what he thinks, when he understands that he can not get up from his seat. And Naruto wants to laugh so desperately, but all he can get out is a smile, only for it to fade as increasing knocking and worried calls of his name reach him through that locked door.

He feels guilty, for the worry he is causing Iruka-sensei, but he can't stop. He's not sure he would have, if he could have. Iruka is family to him, too, but all he will do like this is to ruin him, too. Him and Sakura-chan. He'll destroy them just by being in their lives, like he had with Sasuke and Kakashi.

He's just another idiot.

Along with his smile fading, so does the look in his eyes that had once been filled with so much life.

The silent laughter, though, stays in the lines on his face. One last prank on the villagers.

He feels like he is on fire.


	3. The Third Thread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follows Sakura, from when she is taken home, to after seeing Naruto and then to the end. This is intended as the last chapter to this story.

**The Third Thread**

* * *

Anyone can tell you that to work together is an essential part of life. Konoha calls it teamwork, where a group is bonded together through trials and laughter and everything in between. But not all of them last. Every now and then, one of the group is lost. And it changes the rest. It makes the laughter fade and the sorrow grow until the time where they can handle not hearing as much laughter as they used to.

And when half the threads supporting the group are cut, the rest will follow.

* * *

Somehow this was not how he had expected to go down. He had thought he would go down fighting, protecting his precious people. He had thought he would be a Hokage and that he would be protecting his village, his people. He had always thought he would die ensuring the survival of his loved ones.

He wasn't entirely wrong, he muses to himself, as the darkness takes him and every feeling but the easiest one of floating, fades from him. He is dying to protect the lives of his comrades and family. He is ensuring that he will not be the one to bring them down. He will not be the one to take them from this life. He will not fail them, too, like he had already failed so many.

What's the loss of his own life compared to the survival of the many? Sure, it may have technically been an accident caused by idiocy, but it counted anyway.

Naruto has never wanted to be the one to take the lives of those precious few who cared despite who he is.

* * *

If she had been asked what she'd thought about her Team earlier that week, Sakura would've babbled about the amazing Sasuke-kun (he's her teammate above all and she's glad to have that, if nothing else), the annoying Naruto (he's funny, though, and his pranks, when they don't bother the Team, aren't that bad), and the always late Kakashi-sensei (she finds she doesn't mind completely, because there are moments when they're just being a Team in the mornings, not working on something or completing a mission).

She'd have talked about a mission they'd have recently done, she'd have spoken of an amusing moment or of the failure to see sensei's face, or even about the laughter they'd shared throughout their time together. The laughter that now meant so much to her, because it made them complete in those moments.

Sakura doubts she will ever laugh again, because with pieces missing, they won't ever again be complete.

The Team has been broken up, and the pieces left keep melting into blobs of nothing. It's terrifying and she can't stop it. She can't manage to get up from where her parents has sat her down on the couch, she can't force her mouth open to speak the words needed to calm her parents. She can't find a reason to bother.

What were they going to do now? Would he be replaced just like that? Because they couldn't retake the Chunin Exam without a full Team. But they couldn't be a full Team without him? So what would they do now?

She didn't want him replaced. She wanted him to be there with them. She wanted to see his triumphant smirk as he accepted a Chunin vest, and his nod when they accepted theirs. She wanted them to stand in front of a proud Kakashi-sensei, who'd arrive late, congratulate them and tell them they hadn't needed to show up, so that they'd get angry at him for having to be there for no reason. And then they'd not mind anyway, because he'd congratulated them. They'd just pretend they were annoyed, but they'd know him too well to really be angry.

And they'd come home with her so she could show her parents what a good Team she has- no, it's had, now. Because her Team was no longer whole. No longer perfect.

Sakura knows she's not going to get any sleep tonight. She's too scared she'll see him like _that_ , again. So still, too silent, horrifyingly _cold_.

She's not going to sleep until her body refuses to hold her up anymore.

* * *

Her thoughts should have been her only company, but they only become so in moments, and no longer, during the whole evening, night, and coming morning.

Her parents are cautious and worried, they refuse to leave her alone in the house, and when her father has to go to work, her mother takes those hours off. And when her mother absolutely has to go, it is her father's turn to stay and watch her.

She feels a bit like a prisoner, but for the most part, the only thing she can care about, is that they are wasting important time on watching her, when they could be doing what they need to do. She wants to assure them that she'll be fine, to just go ahead and get to work, and that she'll see them tonight, but she can't get the words out. She can't even open her mouth to try.

She's of no use, at the moment, if she'd ever truly been of any at all.

It's midday when the knock on the door startles her father from watching her, but Sakura does not move, like she usually would have, to let in their visitor. She does not smile and say she'll get it. She doesn't try to be his helpful little girl. She's never again going to be a little girl.

He does not mention it, and leaves her be for those preciously few moments where it's just her and her thoughts.

And when he returns, after a time she can not tell how long, he is followed by a slightly familiar man wearing the Konoha headband. She knows that she knows this man if only very vaguely, but right now she could not care any less about that, or the reason why he is here. Clearly, it is to speak to her, or he would not be looking at her with such a grim face.

She didn't think she would care about that last fact, but there's a sudden chill in the air and the hair in the back of her neck are rising, her senses screaming _nonono_ at her, because she knows something is wrong, but she can't take anything else being wrong.

The words he speaks are muddled through Sakura's hearing and she asks him, in a small and broken voice, to please repeat what he'd said, because she hadn't understood him, and where was Kakashi-sensei and Naruto? Was this about the Team?

And then he repeats what she does not want to hear. Hatake Kakashi is gone. A mission. He had succeeded at the cost of his life. He was _gonegonegone_.

Where was Naruto? Why wasn't he telling Naruto? Why hadn't he brought Naruto with him to tell them both at the same time? _Wherewherewhere_ was he?

She moves for the first time in hours, rising up from her seat, as she softly excuses herself. She does not listen to her father trying to stop her - she is a ninja, he won't be able to stop her. She doesn't want to be stopped. And the other ninja doesn't try to.

She has to find Naruto, she has to. She needs to see that there's still someone else left. She has to know if he knows yet. Has he known for long? Did he choose not to tell her then? Did someone even tell Naruto? Did they think about her Team when they decided to let Kakashi-sensei go on a mission without them? Did sensei think about them, as he left them behind?

When she gets there, she knocks once before entering. She can hear voices, but she doesn't care if she's interrupting. She knows Naruto has to be here. Iruka-sensei is a good man and he wouldn't let Naruto be on his own at a time like this. Would he?

Sakura meets his eyes first, as she enters, and back in her mind a voice notes that he looks older, tired. Has he heard, then?

"Where's Naruto?"

She doesn't care enough to look at anyone else when she can see so clearly that he isn't one of them. They might think it rude, but they should understand. She had just lost half of her Team. They had to understand. And if they couldn't, she didn't want to know them, anyway.

And then Naruto appears. He squints at them, and she can't stop herself from giving a sob and running over to cling at him so relieved that he is still here. He is still okay, she is not alone. Naruto will always be there. Naruto won't leave her, too. Half the Team is better than just one out of four.

The idea of being alone on Team Seven terrifies her like nothing else.

He hugs her back, because it's Naruto, and he's not going to leave her alone. But then he asks where sensei is, and she whimpers, because no one had _told him_ and she did not want to have to do that.

It's both a relief and angering when one of the others speak up, because she doesn't have to, because he makes it sound horrid. The reminder is painful, but this man hadn't even tried to make it less painful. He'd spat the news out like it didn't even matter that they were only half of the Team left, and that they'd lost two people so important to them just like that.

She hates him immediately. More than she hates being pulled away from Naruto. Don't they understand that the Team can't heal if they keep being split apart?

She regrets not refusing to leave his side and fighting anyone that tries to make her, later, when she is at home and everything burns.

Sakura jumps from her bed and sprints downstairs and out, not letting her parents stop her, and she is halfway to Iruka's when the words within the screams around her fall through the filter over her ears.

Naruto.

Uzumaki Naruto has allowed the Kyuubi to escape.

And then there is an explosion and she is looking up at the dark red fur of a demon, with teeth showing in what can only be a grin.

Laughter rings through the air, and the demon speaks of _Naruto_ and _death_ and how they had all _failed him_. But all she cares about from that is only that she's the last one. She's all alone, now. Her Team is _gonegonegone_.

Sakura feels numb. She doesn't know what to do or say, everything within her is empty. And her feet walk on their own towards the demon. Like they have a purpose she knows nothing of. Her eyes look through the running people, she no longer hears the screaming even when it is right next to her. All she can hear is the words declaring her the last of her Team.

She meets the fire with arms wide open.

And she is _burning_. 


End file.
